MARRIAGES OF THE 21ST CENTURY

Let's talk about MARRIAGE. Yes! Marriage...
If you're not married, read on you could learn a thing or two and if you are married, please read on, you could share a thing or two. I might not address the topic as it pricks your heart but I will write from experiences of fellow women like you and I.

 I chose this topic for my first piece because the rate of divorce in our society is alarming which keeps me wondering why the singles can’t wait to get in while most married want to quit. Marriage is an institution where you are issued your certificate before graduation (I wish schools will do that too). Nobody gives you an outline on what you will see in it.
No one plans for a divorce ahead of their marriages but things happen. Marriage is tough and a hard nut to crack. It becomes a wreck when two people who once couldn't live without each other give up while trying to crack this nut. In the same vein, it becomes a success story when endurance and perseverance is applied.

 There's a saying that love is better in the movies. Remember the feeling you have when you see a romance scene in a movie and wish your spouse will treat you like in the movie, Courtship is the movie while Marriage is the reality. He remembers your favourite stuffs, remembers anniversaries, buys you gifts often, allows you to have your way with everything etc. that is in courtship. In Marriage, he doesn't even remember his birthday not to talk of yours because life becomes more challenging and tasking when all the courtship plans are implemented.

Few weeks ago, I was discussing with one of my married friends and I told him that I want my marriage to be like my parents'. I know it's not the very best but it's a success story and he said "never apply the same techniques your parents' used in their marriage because it might not work for you. You don't know how long and how much they have sacrificed in trial and error to achieve what you admire now. Create your own success story".

No two marriage are alike. What works for you might not work for me. You surround yourself with friends who paint castles in the wind; telling you how perfect their homes are, how their husbands are so awesome, leaving you aimlessly comparing your home with theirs. The truth is men keep it real; they discuss issues they face in honesty over drink but we women hold our shoulders up and fake a perfect relationship. See eh! Those women who make it seem so rosy are the ones that might be faced with big problems. Infact they might be sitting on a mountain of problems and is feeding you with her personal fairy tale. Wipe her concealer and you might find a black eye celebrating a new day on her face. We all had that happily ever after fantasy.

We the singles spend all our life planning our wedding day which lasts for just a day, forgetting our marriage which lasts for a lifetime. We get so caught up in the process and not the FOREVER journey.

 I don’t want to be all religious and super natural about this blog but marriages fail because you weren’t prepared for the journey which the vows usher you into. You believe that God will do it all for you. God has done everything he is supposed to do for you, the rest is up to you to figure out. We plan on the ideal man, how to find the ideal man, how to keep him, even how to react when he proposes. LOL! YES we practically think about everything to make sure it’s all perfect but we fail to plan on how to tackle life’s hurdles. Infact the major planning ends after your wedding day. The next planning comes up when it seems too tough for you to handle, you plan a DIVORCE.

My honest advice would be abstain from friends who aren’t real, if that friend gives you a reason to wreck your home or your relationship, desist from them because your vow says FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE. IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH........TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. Sorry I don’t know the lines yet. Mingle with people who gives you more reasons to stay and not quit. If you can’t trust anyone, post what you are passing through in relationship sites or blogs like this anonymously and have people with like situations give you responses on how they solved it in their situation. There is nothing you think you are going through now that hasn’t been witnessed and overcame by someone else. Stop being hard on yourself because you are not alone. Believe me it gets easier by the moment.

You don’t have to fight about every single thing and when you argue, the whole world doesn’t have to know you’re arguing. Don’t expect a perfect man or woman because that perfect person doesn’t exist. If you’re married, its okay to fight, its okay to disagree and its okay to keep it real because you signed up for it and if you’re not married, pick the level of crazy you can live with. Don’t marry for the wrong reasons.

Please leave your thoughts and comments below. If you have topics and discussions you would like us to talk about here on this blog also feel free to send an email.

(letstalkvirtue15@gmail.com). 

Warm regards.